A personal journey towards God, Divine Love, Divine truth, humility, desire, healing, and my Soul

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Originally posted on DEAR GOD…:
I have spent much of my life so far focused on Results. If I want to plant a tree, I want to plant it now. In the past I was happy spending lots of money bringing in big machinery like tractors and graders to get instant results that then take…

Facing my true condition.

Hi everyone I have not written for 2 years approximately as I needed to re examine my reason for blogging in the first place. I falsely believed it was to share God’s truth through my writings. However my writings at that time were filled with anger being expressed through prose and out to the world.

Though this certainly helped me to express this anger and connected me to some hurt,  it was not a loving action to post here, and it would have been more loving to share privately with God along with some in-depth self reflection as to why I was so angry.

So now I have deleted all my previous posts, this page will now contain my posts and re-blogged posts of interest from others, including truths from Mary Magdalene who shares God’s truth with the world.

My current condition is one of false beliefs, anger and demand which I projected out to the world. This is very unloving.

I have made a small step forward in these areas only recently and have a long way to go but as I am willing to look at myself and reflect on my actions I am making some inroads.

So my current condition is all facade wanting my addictions met and I do not know at this time who I truly am, what I desire or aspire to do with the rest of my life.

There are some things I think I desire but I will not know for sure until I stop my addictions and start to break down  my facade.

It was a very difficult thing to look at myself in that moment and see all the blackness and dark emotions inside.  A gift of truth was given to me by my brothers and sisters, Jesus and Mary, Eloisa, Pete and Catherine. I was angry and denied this for several weeks, blaming others and justifying, minimising and not wanting to hear the truth about where I was at. It was not till I started to work out why I had arrived at his place, and what I expected from others and compared it to what God expected of others that I started to connect with hurt from my past particularly my child hood that I did not want to let go of. Instead I covered this with mountains of rage and demand to protect this hurt, cradled it so it would never be exposed. But in doing this I stopped that hurt from being felt and healing and kept my castle of pain locked away.

In doing this I also kept God away, my partner away, all others away and damaged my environment. I created a facade superior to others and incredibly I thought I felt inferior.

I lived in a power state of demand and expectation on others as my hurt inside felt so small, invisible and down trodden and controlled and I protected this part of me at all costs. And it has been costly, I haven’t gotten to know my soft side, built compassion, learned to be of service to others or most importantly  been able to grow my relationship with God and my partner.

I haven’t learned self responsibility. In my demands I wanted others to save me, serve me do the hard work both physically and emotionally for me and make me feel safe. God’s truth on the matter is no one has to love me, do anything or be anything for me not even God. To have any other ideas of this is my expectation only.

God does not meet demands, expectations and no one can make me feel safe.

God only wants me to love him but he makes no demand of me for this either.

The truth is God loves me no matter what I do, but I cannot feel His Love enter me until I become real and desire His Love. God cannot have a relationship with my facade and all the time I waste in addictions, watching movies, filling my food addictions etc. The wider the gap I place between us.This is where compassion for myself comes in something I have never learned and lived a life of self punishment as I had been taught to do as I grew up.

It has been important to look at my facade and to understand it was created by me to protect myself in my life particularly in my childhood, a survival mechanism. But now it’s time to start breaking it down and reconnect with all my hurts from the past particularly my childhood so I can meet my true self.

I would like to the web address to the divine truth website where you will find hundreds of hours of free material if you would like to investigate further for yourself. There are links on this site to you-tube videos, blog from Mary and heaps of resources that are priceless advise for your journeys toward God.

http://www.divinetruth.com

Please copy and paste into your browser.

love Denise.

 

 

Self Punishment and Joy

This is Mary’s post of self punishment and Joy.

Thank you Mary.

love Denise

Notes Along The Way

I was chatting to our friend Joy the other day. We were discussing blocks, the things that prevent us experiencing our emotions and connecting to God.

I mentioned self punishment, the state of berating ourselves for not ‘getting it’, not being ‘good enough’, putting ourselves down and projecting anger at ourselves.

Joy said casually ‘Oh yes, self punishment, I tried that for a day. It was terrible! No wonder people feel like giving up on this path if they self punish.’

I burst into laughter. Self punishment is HUGE for me. I felt so happy for Joy that she could try it on and realise how damaging it was so quickly. If only I had just tried it out for a day, thought ‘this is ridiculous’ and given it up!

But seriously, self punishment is a big block for me for a reason. I wasn’t born with it – I…

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Self punishment is something I am really good at and something I am currently tackling , the following post is from my sister Mary Magdaline. Mary’s story is a beautiful gift to me and anyone who desires to truly work their way through self punishment.
It is with much gratitude to Mary that I reblog Mary’s post.
Love Denise

Notes Along The Way

I’ve written in the past about my own issues with self punishment and many people still ask me about it.

Over the years I’ve done a lot to work on this issue. The first thing that really helped me was to begin to view self punishment as an addiction; a device to help me avoid my fears. I began to treat my self attack as something that had no future, could never be ‘felt enough’ in order to be released and decided that I just needed to halt it in its tracks whenever it began to happen.

To a small extent this helped but as with any major addiction until I was willing to deconstruct the false beliefs driving my justification for holding on to it, and to soften to the feelings I was using it to cover, I didn’t have much success. And the success I have had in…

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What Is Divine Truth?

Source: What Is Divine Truth?

To act or not act, feeling about a lot of decisions I have made in my life, those times when I have taken no action, those times when I have run away too afraid to face what confronted me. These actions or in action have been based on fear and I have been left feeling like control by fear has been the essence of my existence. This acticles shines a very big light for us all to see. love Denise from our sister Mary
“The truth is that as we suppress fear we simultaneously strangle desire and most of us, most of the time, prize the avoidance of fear above the exploration of our wildest dreams and deepest passions. We rarely pause to consider what we would be interested in or inspired by if fear was not a daily part of life.”

Notes Along The Way

The sad truth is that the entire world’s population lives in fear in some or all aspects of their lives.

Some of us acknowledge some of our fears some of the time. But seeing our fear doesn’t mean that we deal with it healthily. In fact, most of us feel justified in our fears and demand, be it covertly or overtly, that our environment and the people in our lives make allowances for our fear driven limitations.

Then there are those of us who live in complete denial of large amounts of fear about any number of things at any given time. Denial is a perceived sanctuary and many people reinforce the barricades of the castle and pull up the drawbridge over which truth may have passed. Routines and addictions mask any sensation of fear, numbness becomes the norm, and even though the supposed ‘sanctuary’ can feel cold and damp…

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Mary’s post bought home to me how much I want to hide when I might be “outed” . And how fear dictates most of my actions and in actions. I so want to “fit in” that I give away every opportunity God presents to me to grow.
Thank you Mary.

Notes Along The Way

Recently someone forwarded me the following clip:

My first thought was – why send me this?

What is shared in this clip is one very basic truth that is discussed and built upon in far more depth and detail in recordings of events that I was present at and can be viewed here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here… in fact there are over 1200 hours of video on our youtube channel that bring a far broader context and meaning to the importance of emotions and discuss how they relate to the human soul, God, absolute truth, eternal growth, physical healing, and much, much more.

So this video is not news to me. The people involved are discussing something that I discovered a long time ago.

So why send it?

I can actually think of about four reasons why a person…

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